You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
