you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
