Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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