he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
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Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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