I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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