tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
