I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
