Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
