On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
