why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
