Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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