I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
