Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
