Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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