Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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