Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize