Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
