dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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