Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
