he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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