i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
