I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
