I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
