I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
