He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
