WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
