yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
