I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
