??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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