I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?