The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
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Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.