maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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