Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..