i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
