wrigley field is MILF paradise
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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