the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
