writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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