I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My liver just had a heart attack.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
