ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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