that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
