So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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