i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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