my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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