We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
