i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
