be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
