Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
