i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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