I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
