She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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