I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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