PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
