She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
