wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
