what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
