I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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