I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
