please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
