another moral hangover. fuck.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
