My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
