Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
