Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
