Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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