I just cut my nipple shaving
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
