I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
