apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
