So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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