So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Such a big mess for such a small penis
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
