I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
