You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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