just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
