It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
