my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
